1) Dress like you don’t care, or are going fishing/hunting. Make sure the baseball cap you wear is dirty, or has “Bud Light” on it (Patch or smell), or even worse: “New York Yankees”. Don’t shave, makes you look macho.
2) Pour that new AXE cologne on yourself, freely. If your girlfriend gets hot over it, it is a given that the tight-ass HR lady will.
3) Make sure your resume is old, has typos on it and looks like it was done on a typewriter. It’s only an interview after all, not the actual job itself. If the person wants a copy of your resume, ask them to make one, after all the company has a copy machine and you don’t. It shows you are conserving (your own) paper.
4) Make sure to wear an earring or skin or eyebrow ring. It looked good at the bar, and hell “It’s you Man-boy! Show your stuff!”
5) Don’t shower, or shower 5 minutes before you leave the house and show up with wet hair and wet collar. Shows you care about hygiene.
6) When asked why you left your last job, be honest. Tell them that the “stupid ass Plant Manager complained way too much about your work quality after lunch”.
7) Be late for the interview. Shows you are important. Heck, Stars do that at Red Carpet events! Show them who the BOSS is Mandrake!
8) Answer all open-ended questions with: “Yea, I’ve done that”. Make sure you tell them you have experience doing something at a company that isn’t on your resume. When they ask you about that company, tell them you couldn’t fit all the companies you worked for on two pages, so you left 5 or 6 out, and also didn’t include the temp jobs.
9) During the interview, ask the interviewer if you can use the bathroom. Ask where the reading material is or if you can take a company brochure to read with you. If nothing is available, ask for your resume back so you can review it while you “take care of business”.
10) Make sure, before the interview is over, that you completely understand the “Point System” for attendance, absences, lateness and afternoons off. Clarify if you can use vacation time this year for “those mornings… when, ya know”. Ask “What If I…” questions. Then ask about the possibility of getting a union, just for the great benefits. Don’t forget to ask about the company picnic and what bar they all meet at after work.
11) Last: Make sure you ask: “How many chances do I get to pass the drug test?”
Now you might think that this article is anti-blue collar or something like that. Nah. I love blue collar. Worked at a mill (shoveled slag) and a plastics company (injection mold ops), pulled beers, served burgers and mowed lawns myself.
The above killer mistakes are real. Robert Ripley couldn’t do any better.